Today the greatest emphasis is put on no conflict parenting as a result of a divorce. But despite all this importance being placed on it, is it even possible? Is the separation of conflict a realistic, achievable target? This needs to be considered in line with the fact that a father and mother may love their child the most in the world but will they be ready to shed the feeling of bitterness against the spouse having gone through a divorce?
These are questions that need to be answered and will be answered in this two part blog. This is the first part of the blog.
An Art Learned
The most important thing to note here is that co-parenting is an art that people are not born with. This is something that needs to be learned over time and with experience. The first and most important thing needed to learn this art is hard work and determination. You need to know in your mind that you are doing this for the betterment of your child. Once you know that the end goal is the betterment of your child, it is likely that you will be able to overcome obstacles that may have put you off earlier.
The Start of Conflict
When you have gone through an Orange County divorce, there is bound to be bitterness in between spouses. But this bitterness seldom transforms itself into conflict without initiation from either side. There are a number of different ways where this initiation can start. Some examples of how a conflict between parents starts after a divorce are highlighted below.
· Making Use of the Child as Leverage
When two spouses go into a divorce, more often than not they perceive it as a fight which needs to be one at any cost. It is a fight alright but what the weapons? Unfortunately, for some parents children are weapons of attacking and gaining leverage over the other spouse. Using children as leverage will include instances such as:
- Parental Alienation
- Violation of the joint legal custody rights
- Parental gate-keeping
- Use of false child abuse allegations etc.
The goal of all the actions highlighted above is simple, to frustrate and anger the other spouse into either submission or making a mistake.
· A lack of Trust is a Lack of Respect
The use of children is not the sole way a parental conflict exists. Sometimes the fact that there is a growing lack of trust between the spouses can give rise to conflict. This conflict can in most cases take a hostile turn, most commonly in cases where there is a lack of respect. The most common issues that can come up are:
- Lack of financial support
- Perception of the other parent being broken up
- Infidelity which has broken trust beyond repair
- Perception that the other parent lacks the requisite parenting skill
Gerald A. Maggio is an experienced Orange County divorce and family law lawyer and family law attorney located in Irvine, California, serving the Orange County and Riverside areas. Mr. Maggio assists clients with legal issues including divorce, legal separation, divorce mediation, child custody, prenuptial agreements, stepparent adoptions, and other family law issues. Mr. Maggio has practiced law in California since 1999, and founded The Maggio Law Firm in 2005, focusing exclusively on divorce and family law matters.